Never Violence

Never Violence
by Astrid Lindgren

Above all, I believe that there should never be any violence. In 1978 I received a peace prize in West Germany for my books [Pippi Longstocking], and I gave an accepting speech that I called just that: "Never Violence." And in that speech I told a story from my own experience.

When I was about 20 years old, I met an old pastor's wife who told me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn't believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a tree was standard punishment at the time. But one day when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking - the first of his life. And she told him that he would have to go outside and find a switch for her to hit him with. The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying. He said to her, "Mama, I couldn't find a switch, but here's a rock that you can throw at me."

All of a sudden the mother understood how the situation felt from the child's point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, then it makes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with a stone. And the mother took the boy onto her lap and they both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself forever: never violence. And that is something I think everyone should keep in mind. Because violence begins in the nursery - one can raise children into violence.
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This was recently shared on a Gentle Christian Mothers, a message board that I belong to. The poster who shared this also said that she had found in a blog a suggestion to put a rock on our window sill to remind ourselves that violence is not the answer. What a beautiful suggestion!

It also made me think about my own thoughts on spanking. Spanking was so engrained into who I was. I was spanked as a child. It might have been for disobedience, for sass, for lying, for fighting with my brother..... I don't remember. I did learn that it was best not to be caught, so I learned to be deceitful.

I always assumed that I would spank my children. Right up until Bear was born. I thought that if I didn't spank my children then they would grow up to be bad people. I thought that the problems with our society came from children who were never disciplined.

I am so grateful to be blessed with a different outlook on things. I am so blessed to be surrounded by women who are wise, that can mentor me in my parenting. I am so blessed to be loved by a God who is full of grace and mercy. Grace and mercy are what I want my children to know, not violence or shame.

I have a rock on my windowsill in my kitchen. It's a rock that Bear found me. When I feel like grace based discipline is not working, when I feel like I am failing and that I just need to smarten my kids up with a spanking I look at my rock.