Five Years and Counting

My anniversary is in a few days. I've been married five years. I find that so hard to believe. Where have the years gone? It was seven years ago last August that I met Husband. I was looking at some pictures of us from back then and MAN have I aged. I was twenty-five when we met. I'm going on thirty-three. When my Mom was thirty-three she had a teenager. I'm just starting out.

I was thinking about how much has happened since we got engaged. We were engaged just two months after Grandma died. We were married seven months after we got engaged. We sold my townhouse after we got married and I moved into my husband's rental. In August we moved from his rental into the house we were renovating. I found out I was pregnant a week before we moved, and had Bear in April. That's a busy year for anyone - marriage, two moves, a reno and a kid.

At two years of marriage, and with our one year old Bear, we sold that house and moved into a rental. Five months after that we moved to a new city. We rented here because we wanted to know the city before we bought. We were skeptical at first because the market was shaky, and we didn't want to be out of it for long. It turns out we were smart to do so. We bought our house from our neighbours! I had always looked at this house and thought it would be ours some day. When Dot, the woman who lived here couldn't live alone any more, we offered to buy it. She is an awesome lady. She lived alone 'til she was ninety-three!

The summer before Squirrel was born we bought our house we are in now. It needed extended renovations. There was no way I was living with wallpaper in the shower, thirty year old orange-red carpet with runners duct taped to it and a leaky sunroom. Many people thought I had lost my mind to allow an extensive reno again. Especially since I was pregnant. I didn't mind at all. Besides, it's what Husband does best. He's done a beautiful job. We were in this house six weeks when Squirrel was born - on his due date. The renovations are ongoing, but 2009 passed kinda sorta uneventfully. It was busy, but just regular life sort of busy. Money was tight and Husband worked a lot to compensate.

We were hoping for a quieter year this year. A better year. It started off with Husband getting hosed out of $3000. Yep, $3000 of lost wage. We have been blessed with a loan - a no interest loan, from a generous relative. Still, the stress of the loss and the insult of it has taken it's toll. Husband isn't a Christian and the man that contracted him to do the job is. Doesn't really help Husband's opinion that most Christians are hypocrites. I figure I can do two things - pray for Husband and pray for my *enemy*. OR - I could be a rage machine and think of ways to vindicate our loss. I am so praying that God will work in the guy's heart but sometimes I have visions of spray painting his nice mansion in The Uplands with graffiti or letting the air out of the tires on his car. Those who know me well know that I wouldn't even have the guts to toilet paper his house. Besides, it wouldn't be setting a good example to Husband. Or my kids.

Then, there was that lump on my head. The lump the size of a pear cut in half on the back of my head. The one that caused to pain in my neck. The lump that changed me from loving, gentle Mommy to the biggest bitch on the block. The one my doctor called "totally harmless and just a nuisence". After three visits to the doctor Husband was so fed up he came with me and was mortified by our doctor. Doctor even claimed he didn't know how to fill out one of the new ultrasound forms. GAK! Are you kidding me? It was then that we decided to go to the ER. That nuisence lump on the back of my head was an abscess. It landed me in the hospital for four days. It sucked for us as a family because of more lost wages. It sucked for my kids because I was suddenly gone. Poor Squirrel. I wasn't even allowed to nurse him because of the morphine and strong antibiotics. It was near traumatizing to have my head poked open and drained of the poison that was trapped inside me. I say near because of the morphine. Morphine injected into the IV is an instant high. I've never done drugs. I tried pot once in the stupidest form possible. I swallowed a roach and chased it with half a bottle of vodka. Morphine in the IV was pretty close to that feeling.
The hospital stay was only a week ago, but it feels like ages ago.

Our lives these past five years have been so busy and ever changing. I've had odd moments when I've wondered "What on earth did I do?" Have you ever just sat and watched your kids sleep? My boys sleep in our bed. I have awesome pictures of them sleeping, their legs twisted up in the sheets. Sometimes Squirrel's head will be on Bear's stomach or Bear will have his hands cupping Squirrel's head. When I see this, I think "Wow, God, you sure knew what you were doing." I wouldn't change this life for all the peace and tranquillity in the world.